Grumblings: My Life With the Snorer

I was really excited to move down to California, de-clutter our life and live simpler by renting an apartment/townhouse. I mean who really needs all of that space? It's not a big deal to share walls with one's neighbors, right? WRONG. I recant all of my 'simpler' lifestyle rantings and can't wait to selfishly have four walls all to myself.

Let me elaborate on the situation. The first couple of nights  in our new unit  there was a powerful rainstorm brewing outside. Because we have a Spanish style place, our roof is made up of tile which enhances the sound of pounding rain. We comfortably fell asleep for two nights to the rhythmic rain dancing on our rooftop. Night #3 is when we first became aware of Him...

We entered our bedroom around 11:30pm to retire for the night when we noticed that the entire room was vibrating from a  guttural noise. I was stunned- was it possible to actually hear our next door neighbor snoring? Our unit is dead-quiet during the day, I mean our walls must be a few feet thick and sound-proofed! I have met some serious snorers in my lifetime but this guy took the prize.I have a tendency to over-focus on little noises while I fall asleep so I knew I had to take action to block the tones coming from my shared wall. I turned on the very loud fan in our on-suite bathroom, thinking that it would adequately suffice at blocking out the noise. Nope. I could still hear him. Next, I popped in a pair of earplugs. I was seething with irritability when I realized I could still hear him even with pink foam stuffed into my ear canal. In desperation I threw a pillow over my head and finally found solace. This routine has continued on every night for the last month...

One night my earplugs popped out and the snorer woke me up mid-dream. I was so delirious and vengeful that I got out of my bed and started banging on our shared walls in hopes of letting him know that I was not impressed. My banging efforts did nothing and he continued on with his grunty melody. By this point I got back in bed and started spouting off spiteful things about the man next door. Ben tells me that I said something along the lines of 'I hope he gets in an accident.'  I didn't want for him to die or anything, just end up injured enough to have to sleep for several months in a rehabilitation place. I know that sounds really harsh and hateful, but you know what? It was 2 am and I was feeling aggressive.

The weird thing about all of this is that I have never seen/met the snoring bandit. There is a family of four that live next door- a couple with their two little kids. At least that is what I have been told... I have never actually seen them with my own eyes. I am taking a stab in the dark by assuming that the snores are of male origin but I suppose that I could be off base? Maybe it is my female neighbor that evokes my hatred in the middle of the night? I still do not know what I will do when I meet my neighbors for the first time. " Hi, my name is Sarah. Do you sleep well? Because I don't." Or maybe I will just research some snoring cures and stick the list under their doormat along with a jumbo pack of breathe right strips.

 For now, it is my plot in life to fall asleep to the snores of a man (maybe woman?) who is not my husband.